November 6, 2010
Millionaire Matchmaker Season 3

The City, for me, was must watch television. The reason was because it was all bullshit. It was scripted TV with people featuring people that were successful, but not in showbiz. Joe Zee played a role even though he’s the editor. Well that show is done.

Season 3 of Millionaire Matchmaker has replaced this spectacle this year. I watched the first episode of the NYC season. There was an obviously scripted meeting about going to NYC. I am not even sure if it was filmed before or after they left. The millionaires on this show seem to be driven, successful people. However in the TV world of M.M., they get reduced to dullards who need Patti’s guidance to find true love. For all the bragging about her success rate, I don’t think I can recall more then one couple surviving a second date. 

 Bryce Gruber’s casting kind of exposed all the holes in the show like a revelation. I have no idea how she ended up on this show, of all shows. I can only speculate that a producer called her office as she was a prospect. She said yes just for shits and giggles. And, here we are, she’s on the first episode. Through her interviews about who she is, it seems like she had a super dry sense of humor. The kind of nut that is really tough to crack. The editing wants us to believe she is a cold bitch whose standards will forever leave her lonely. She talks about  who she wont associate with, and her imaginary chastity belt. She seemed like the least likely person to be looking for a man via Patti Stanger. It got me wondering what the hell she was doing on this show.

Patti goes to meet with her and is brash as ever. Bryce just kind of endures this neurotic maniac. Bryce also makes it clear she’s into older men. Patti bitches and moans about what she has to deal with. If the people on her show could find people on their own, her ass would be matchmaking orthodox Jews in Borough Park. Or maybe she’d be a dental hygienist? 

The cattle call/ mixer part of the show is the most superfluous.  It’s really a chance to showcase what a bitch Patti can be to other women. She also rants and raves. During these segments we are introduced to the ringers. Here’s where it gets really tedious. There is really no point to these mixers. Patti obviously has two candidates in mind. Why not just skip this part and make the match? I feel like the 10-15 minutes spent on these two things alone are just for TV. The only entertaining aspect is when Patti wears her glasses. The lenses make her eyes 2x larger. It’s a funny visual when she’s dressing down some lady at some casting call. All the guys cast for Bryce are her age or younger. At least no one is a Staten Island guido.

So back to Bryce. She went through this process and didn’t like any of the men. While Patti was pressuring her to make a decision, Bryce kind of just chose two least objectionable, and then the least of the least.

The date they had was so amazingly awkward. Her date “arranges” boating in Central Park, and then a dinner in the NY Public Library. All the exposure about what a scripted show this is happens in these two segments. For those that don’t know, dates on Millionaire Matchmaker go on way longer then they have to. They revolve around two activities, two wardrobe changes, and the spending of cash to make the date lavish. Bryce is the millionaire in this case. Meanwhile, Hobo Joe is the one that set up the date. That’s in direct conflict with Patti’s rules. These are rules which are set in stone. She will yell someone out of her office and kick them out of the alleged “club” for not following them. 

So the date is on the cheap by previous season’s standards, and it isn’t being paid for by the millionaire. It’s being paid for by the show. The guy she was with never had a chance.  Bryce is already off-put by the whole fiasco. Now remember, he’s the least objectionable of the lot. He’s also weirded out by her awkwardness and the camera crew. They are eating dinner in a fucking library like they are on the set of some drama. I don’t blame either for freezing up. It was very polite of them to stay the bare minimum of time required for the show. It was cringe TV and I wish we got more footage of them. If this was Blind Date, the thought bubbles would have been insanely funny. Just like Blind Date the guy wants a second date and the woman wants to run for the hills.

Bryce and whoozits give the post-mortem and Patti is unhappy because Bryce can’t be satisfied. I think this would have been a major opportunity to call Patti on her shit. If I was a paying customer and got set up with a dud, I would have reamed her ass out. Why? The poor crop of candidates and basically pushing her through this disaster. Patti agrees to set her up again. Bryce tweeted that this never happened.

Essentially I have become fascinated by this show because it is a show. It’s not a documentary. At least on Rachel Zoe’s show, all her episodes revolve around actual work. Every episode of Millionaire Matchmaker is super formulaic and no one get’s matched up successfully. Through Bryce’s inability to be comfortable on the camera, she really exposed the formula of how scripted this all is. I am slow for not noticing this from watching previous seasons. However, all the other millionaires seemed super comfortable being characterized as one dimensional personality types as they got to go on a date filmed by a camera crew.